The Mystery called China


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In 1912, Quo Mentan lead by Sun Yat-Sen and his successor made ROC . Thereby ending imperial China. Sun Yat-Sen is called father of modern China and also of Taiwan (Well he is not the biological father but if he was I would understand why all Chinese look the same). He is the only person who is an accepted father of 2 nations (pretty cool though). It is interesting to note Rabindranath Tagore is the only man who has written national anthem of two countries (naa, not really).


In 1920, 30, 40 KMT and the Communist party were engaged in a civil war. The communists won and on 1st October Mao Zedong made PRC declaring China a communist country and vanishing KMT to Taiwan. The PLA of PRC captured entire Tibet in 1950 and killed millions in the process.


Mao promised his people he will make China the richest country of the world (Yaad rakhna peso se khushiya nhi milti)  but recently Xi Jimping announced that he wants China to be a moderately prosperous country and not a rich country. Mao said what he said because hope was necessary, Xi Jimping said what he said because reality is necessary.



Xi who must be obeyed is the perfect description of President Xi Jimping. He has without doubt rapidly consolidated power in his hands. He is now called the core leader so a personality cult is developing. He has launched many ambitious schemes like OBOR. Since he has risen to power dissidents have been forced to apologize on national T.V. In India the opposite has been observed by many.

Serious problems are being faced by China’s economy under him.

Currently China is facing a slowing economy.

The stock markets are panicky and the communist party is managing the show using foreign exchange reserves. Hence it had gone down from four to three trillion dollars. The world economy is dramatically being affected by this.

As far as OBOR is concerned, it is made up of two main components. The land based silk road economic belt and the ocean going maritime silk route.

It focuses on connecting and cooperation between Eurasian counties. China is projecting its power globally and wants to rapidly increase exports, in other words we are screwed (ek baar phir).


Now that we are done with the jolly news lets see some funny facts. The world’s largest mall – the new South China mall is 95% plus empty. More than 3 crore Chinese live in caves. In certain provinces it is much better to dig caves and live in them. China executes four times the rest of the world. But on a serious note, If you are planning to be a terrorist, gangster or DON then do shift to Europe. It is not allowed to give death penalties there. So if any wanted person by another country is found in Europe then the country has to give it in writing that it will not execute the person.


A sociopolitical ideology declares that the state is the owner of all resources. It aims at the creation of an egalitarian society and requires a single party control, supported by the military. This is the reason Mao Zedong said PLA is not the army of China or people, it is the army of the party. Till the day army is loyal to the party, the party will remain.


But wouldn’t it be great to have your own army. You could eat free whenever you want to , go out whenever you want to and your parents wouldn’t say anything! You could kill people for touching your hair (life would be so perfect).

Okay back on the serious note, there have been 3 big movements in China. I call them 3 mistakes of China’s life made by men stupider than Chetan Bhagat.


  • The mighty Land reforms- As long as you are a person who wakes up, drinks tea, read the newspaper and then takes an AK- 47 and starts killing everyone, it is going to be very normal for you. In 1949 my man Mao thought, hey let us take all the land out there and give it to the poor guys. So he sent his personal army and snatched all the land from the landlords. When the landlords didn’t agree they shot them. More than 20 lakh landlords were shot dead. This is the biggest proof that communism is inspired by Bollywood.
  • Great leap forward, again by my man Mao. It was a large scale agricultural, social and industrial program which failed miserably.
  • Cultural reforms or in the words of Bollywood, “Lagge raho Mao.” For my man Mao culture meant killing. He asked all students to kill all his opponents. If it wasn’t for the cultural reforms China would definitely be democratic.


To rejuvenate stalled economy, Deng unleashed massive capital, industrial and agricultural reforms. So a line about my man Deng (To be honest that is a pretty dope name). Deng looked like nemo but was like NaMo. He had a great vision. He said land can only be leased in China in other words land of communes. As long as we are talking about land let me give you some friendly advice, when you are buying a house make sure the house is only sold to you. In India the same land is sold to five different people at the same time. You wouldn’t believe the number of cases pending in my own city Indore. But that is not our topic. What you guys are interested in is how my man Deng screw up China. Here it is.

One day 5000 children decided they want democracy. So they went to Tiananmen square in Beijing and started a peaceful protest. Deng, again a big fan of Bollywood said crush them. And the army actually did. They took their tanks and crushed all of the 5000. This blog post is getting really long so let us end it with a happy fact. The leader Zhao Ziang spoke in favor of the children and was jailed till death. BTW if any leader of China is viewing this blog I would just say, “No hard feelings bro but constipation ka gussa aam logo pe nikalna band karo.”





One comment

  1. Kartik Devpura · March 3, 2016

    Pretty well written…
    A little grammatical mistakes here and there…

    But killer last line!


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